Beyond the Veil
by Yonder Come Day
Summary: MAJOR OOTP SPOILERS! For those of you who have read the book: The thoughts, regrets, reflections, and feelings of the character who died...as he died...but before he passed beyond the veil. Focuses a lot on __'s relationship with Harry.


Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter, yadda yadda yadda...  
  
A/N: DO NOT CONTINUE READING MY STORY IF YOU HAVEN'T FINISHED "THE ORDER OF THE PHOENIX" YET! SERIOUS SPOILERS ARE IN HERE!  
  
Ahem...to the rest of you-I know that, even though it's barely been three days since the 5th book came out, that there are about five quadrillion of these type of stories floating around the Internet, but I really really need to write my own, even if it's not very original. If nobody reads this, oh well, cause I really needed to write this...it's like, essential for me...  
  
PG-13 cause it's not the happiest theme in the world and our favorite dead doggy hero says a couple of naughty words...  
  
Beyond the Veil  
  
No.  
  
The single word reverberated through Sirius's mind; a mind that was struggling desperately to remain attached to its body.  
  
No.  
  
One second, one second he had been gloating and laughing to that horrible cousin of his, the next a spell hit his chest and he knew without a doubt that this was the end of his life.  
  
As soon as this realization hit him, horror enveloped him, such horror that he had never felt before, not even when he had learned of James and Lily's deaths nearly fourteen years before. And he had thought that had been horror.  
  
No.  
  
It couldn't be the end, it just couldn't be! He wasn't supposed to die...he hadn't expected it to be this way at all...he was supposed to walk into the Department of Mysteries, save Harry and his friends, and hightail his doggy butt out of there--after kicking some serious Death Eater ass, of course. He wasn't supposed to *die!*  
  
Expectations aren't always fulfilled.  
  
NO.  
  
Sirius struggled with all his might to grab at his consciousness, which was slipping away at an alarming speed. He could not do this...this could not be happening...he could not die now, the new era of his life had barely begun...  
  
NO.  
  
He noticed, rather distantly, that he was having considerable trouble breathing. The spell had hit him directly in his chest after all...what else could he expect...  
  
Sirius was having an awful hard time trusting his expectations right now.  
  
He took in a sharp gasp as pain erupted in his body, exploding from where the spell had hit his chest and moving outward until it seemed to stretch from the tips of his fingers to his toenails to the hair roots on his scalp...  
  
Somewhere in the corner of his mind, he could feel unconsciousness beginning to take over. The pain was so intense that for a moment Sirius, either forgetting or not caring about all his previous thoughts, considered giving into it and just let it sweep him into sweet oblivion...he would see James and Lily again, after all...but that also meant he would see his mother, that old hag...damn it...  
  
NO.  
  
All his temptations were abruptly pushed aside as a familiar voice screamed out, the single name that it voiced echoing the horror that Sirius now felt again so profoundly...  
  
"SIRIUS!"  
  
Sirius was falling backwards now, all his previous thoughts had taken place only in a matter of seconds...and out of the corner of his eye, he saw Harry...Harry, his best friend's son...Harry, his godson...Harry, whom he cared about more than anyone in the world...  
  
And now he saw Harry's face, full of shock and anguish, dropping the Longbottom boy on the steps and practically flying down the rest of the steps to get to him.  
  
"SIRIUS!"  
  
"Harry..." Sirius tried to call out weakly, but with all the din that was going on around him, he seriously doubted that Harry heard his godfather calling his name.  
  
The pain was nonexistent now...he could hardly feel it any longer, it felt so distant...as if the pained body wasn't really his...  
  
NO!  
  
"Harry..." Sirius tried to call out again, wanting his godson to just hear him one more time...oh, how he cared about the boy...oh, he cared about him so much...  
  
He caught one more glimpse of Harry's desperate face as Remus Lupin grabbed him and pulled him away before he fell back into the archway and all he saw was blackness.  
  
NO!  
  
He barely registered the pain that was flying through his body as it hit the archway...he only had one thought in his mind.  
  
Harry.  
  
NO!  
  
He wasn't there for Harry...he wasn't there for Harry...he was going to die, and Harry was going to be alone, with no one...he wasn't there for Harry...  
  
Harry was going to be devastated, Sirius knew. Devastated beyond belief. He had only really known the boy for a short couple of years...too short, much too short...  
  
He had never really gotten the chance to know Harry.  
  
Sirius quickly pushed that extremely depressing thought out of his mind as his consciousness became more detached from where his body lay.  
  
No. Of course he had known Harry...  
  
NO.  
  
*But not extremely well...* the gloomy, pessimistic part of his mind reminded himself. Not as well as he would have liked to...all those years that he should have spent with Harry and Moony, he had been going to make up for it...he was going to have his name cleared, eventually, and Harry would live with him...and they would be happy...and together...  
  
NO.  
  
But now all his hopes were lost. He missed Harry terribly already, though all the while he could barely comprehend what was happening to himself...  
  
One last attempt...  
  
"Harry..." He tried to croak out, but it was no use...he was no longer with his body anymore.  
  
Sirius Black had died.  
  
NO...  
  
Sirius didn't know where he was, wasn't aware of anything, all he knew was that he wanted Harry, and he wanted him now. Damn it! He desperately needed to comfort the boy...he knew how utterly miserable he must be feeling now...*He had to talk to Harry.*  
  
It had only been two years, two short years...  
  
No.  
  
Acceptance was beginning to wash over Sirius. Acceptance that he had...that he had died...  
  
Suddenly, as if out of no where, he heard Dumbledore's voice echoing inside his consciousness.  
  
"Death is a part of life just as much as living is," Dumbledore's voice said in that calm, serene way he had.  
  
Sirius remembered exactly when Dumbledore had said that...it had been during his fourth year. James's grandfather had died, and he had been feeling very upset, reasonably. Sirius hadn't known how to comfort him; he had never really been very good with these sort of things, but Dumbledore words-spoken from behind the pair, they hadn't known he was present-seemed to comfort James somewhat, and Sirius had not given them a single thought until over twenty years later...now...  
  
*Dumbledore was right...* Sirius thought, still very unaware of where he was. *Death is part of life...but, Harry!*  
  
No.  
  
Sirius was once again filled with anguish at the thought of his godson. Sirius had been the closest thing that Harry probably would have ever gotten to having a parent, there was never going to be anyone else...Sirius felt like sobbing and wailing at the top of his lungs, but he wasn't sure if he was physically able to.  
  
Harry *needed* him, dammit! Sirius had never even told the boy...never told Harry how much he really cared about him...he'd always been a bit...what was the right word? Cold? Gruff? All he had really done was have his hand on Harry's shoulder...and sit next to him at meals...and that one moment where he had held his hand briefly at the hospital wing at Hogwarts...and of course, there was the single, slightly awkward, one armed hug that Sirius had given his godson after Christmas...  
  
No.  
  
Sirius felt himself floating-that was the only word he could find for it-- away to a place...somewhere, he didn't know exactly where at the moment, but he would know soon...  
  
At that moment, he made a promise to himself. That even if *he* couldn't physically do it, or have the power to do it, or whatever the hell people did once they died...but that *someone*, somewhere, would make sure that Harry knew that Sirius was still there. That he was never far. That he would always be with him...  
  
Even though at this stage in the game Sirius was quite unsure of how everything worked once you died, Sirius knew that he would never truly leave his godson's side. He wouldn't just reside in memories and thoughts and feelings, he would actually *be* there next to him, even if he couldn't communicate with him. He would always be there.  
  
The horror and anguish had almost completely left Sirius, but there was one more message to release before he went completely into the world of the dead. He didn't know how Harry was going to receive it, or when Harry was going to see it, but somehow Sirius knew that Harry *would* receive it, at some point...  
  
With the last bit of mortal strength he possessed, Sirius Black released the message to the world that would be picked up eventually by Harry Potter.  
  
Don't worry, Harry. You'll be fine. Just remember that I am *never* very far...and don't worry about dying very much. Always remember that it won't be too bad, because there will be at least one person who loves you waiting so they could greet you when you pass through the archway.  
  
And with that final thought, Sirius broke all ties to the mortal world completely and passed beyond the veil.  
  
~*~  
  
A/N: Sigh...dear old Padfoot...if this story seems a bit confusing, and it never really shows Sirius in the land of the dead or whatever, this is why: I wanted the majority of this fic to take place during Sirius's last few living seconds and then the moment that he is dead, but not *quite* beyond the veil just yet, so he's somewhat content when he really dies...Also, I didn't want to go into heaven/hell/land-of-the-dead/Summerland/Nirvana or whatever without throwing myself into religion-land and making this the "The Controversial Harry Potter Fic of the Day."  
  
I know that many people have in the past few days--I daresay that I have myself-gone into rants about the death of Sirius, so I'm not going to waste my energy and your time to rant about it now, I'm only going to say this: That I feel terrible. I had grown so emotionally close to Sirius ever since I read PoA sometime in very early 2000 or very late 1999, and have loved him so much, and centered fanfiction around him, that when he died I felt as if I, myself, had lost a godfather that I hadn't know for very long. Ever since I finished the book in the middle of last night I've felt that I myself have been grieving, that I've lost a loved one...sigh...  
  
If there are any "Out of the Night" readers out there: I WILL finish that story. I think a happy ending with Sirius and Harry, no matter how AU it may be at this point, is more important now than it ever was before.  
  
So, review (duh), cheers Padfoot, we all love you and miss you! 


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